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A LAUGH A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY HUMOUR

#881 User is offline   whetu 

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Posted 06 November 2013 - 01:17 PM

Just for Mini

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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#882 User is offline   whetu 

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  Posted 14 January 2014 - 10:26 AM

Fran: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Bronwyn: What? Fran: “Google, google, google.”


A geek's list of thanks
1. Be thankful you haven't been spammed by Bludger Blurb
2. Be thankful your computer isn't down after visiting acc-claimants.info
3. Be thankful our favorite social group website site isn't down, Blurblive Me is GR8
4. Be thankful you don't have The Bludger Times virus coded by Bludger Blurb with help from Mark Davis
5. Be thankful your server isn't down, unless you are with cws-hosting.com
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse thanks to Bludger Blurbs suite of highjacking tools
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are in Matchmaking websites!Except Bludger Blurb who owns this domain.
8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber cake, and you didn't gain a gram! You could always go on the Bludger Blurb diet
9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn't 72! How old is Bludger Blurb?
10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connection, unless you have visited acc-claimants.info or claimants.org.nz or accfocus.org
11. Be thankful Facebook makes it easier to get in touch with our children, relatives and friends! Until Bludger Blurb tries to Friend you.
12. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll from Bludger Blurbs new online store

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#883 User is offline   whetu 

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Posted 16 January 2014 - 12:04 PM

What do you call a Nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile
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#884 User is offline   whetu 

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Posted 17 January 2014 - 03:55 PM

I used to have a friend in a wheelchair. We fell out though because he was sick of me pushing him around and talking behind his back.

'Priority Seating: Please give it up for the disabled' said the sign. People weren't very approving when I cheered and applauded the lady in the wheelchair.

Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He touches the man in the wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away. He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa,God! I'm on an invalids benefit!' God says is your name Bludger Blurb?
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#885 User is offline   netcoachnz 

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 09:57 AM

School’s $500 lightbulb bill
A REFRIGERATOR lightbulb retailing for about $3 at a hardware store ended up costing a far north Queensland state school almost $500 after Queensland’s Public Works Department sent an electrician to install it in a teacher’s government-owned home.

An extract of the Queensland government invoice for the replacement of a fridge light bulb Doomadgee State School, on the Gulf of Carpentaria, was billed $200 for labour alone after the teacher was told workplace health and safety regulations prevented any staff member from buying and replacing the bulb themselves, The Australian understands.


Queensland Education Minister John-Paul Langbroek yesterday ordered an internal investigation into the bill, saying overthe-top red tape was adding to the spiralling financial costs of delivering services i n remote areas of Queensland. The probe was launched after the internal document was leaked, according to sources, in a bid to expose waste and duplication of state and commonwealth services in some of the state’s remote communities.

Mr Langbroek said Queensland’s teachers and principals were beset with ‘‘crazy rules’’ that included a requirement that a school hire an outside contractor to retrieve a ball in the playground if it became lodged (for instance, in a tree branch) at a level of 1.8m or higher. ‘‘This is the sort of red tape that needs to end,’’ he said. ‘‘It’s crazy.

‘‘There is no excuse for a $480 bill to put in a fridge lightbulb. The teacher is not going to get electrocuted putting it in.

‘‘I have already asked for a review on the type of regulation where a school has to pay someone to get a ball from a branch or a gutter that might be only 1.8m high. There has to be a balance.’’

The Newman government has already moved to find cost savings in the Education Department, opening up tenders for school maintenance contracts to the private sector.

Mr Langbroek said it was difficult to find private contractors who could supply services in some of Queensland’s more remote communities.

Doomadgee State School, which has 303 students, is among the most expensive in the state, with commonwealth figures showing it cost taxpayers $15,879 for each student per year, compared with the state average of $9000.

The school — which offers prep to Year 10 in the indigenous community of 1500 people — is among the state’s poorest performers with the lowest attendance rate in Queensland of just 54 per cent.

Mr Langbroek, along with Indigenous Affairs Minister Glen Elmes and Local Government Minister David Crisafulli, went to Doomadgee last week in a bid to lift the attendance rates, after a visit late last year by Premier Campbell Newman.

‘‘We are trying to lift the attendance rates, trying to get community support to get these kids to school,’’ Mr Langbroek said.

‘‘We talked to the community, the council — it is very challenging.’’


Source:-


  • 28 Jan 2014
  • The Australian
  • MICHAEL McKENNA

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#886 User is offline   Pokerface 

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Posted 05 December 2014 - 01:08 PM

If you would be happy for a week, take a wife
if you want to be happy for a month, kill your pig
but if you want to be happy all your life, plant a garden

OLD CHINESE PROVERB
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#887 User is offline   Alan Thomas 

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Posted 08 January 2016 - 06:06 PM

The worlds cheapest Burglar Alarm


In the light of recent police announcements that they no longer consider it necessary to attend the scene of domestic burglaries I have taken down the New Zealand flag from beside the house and peeled the burglar alarm sticker off the front door.

We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our Neighbourhood Watch.
I've bought two Syrian flags on Trademe and raised them in the front garden, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the centre, flying high.
I helped Weal with his ACC case.

Now the local police, CIB, NZSIS, SAS and other NZ Tactical Police agencies are all watching the house 24/7.

We've never felt safer and we're saving $24.95 a month!!..

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#888 User is offline   greg 

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Posted 08 January 2016 - 06:12 PM

Silly as it sounds you might be on to something. Don't 4get to supply your ISP number?
as this will help them turn on your computer cameras as needed , saving the Nation these costs.
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#889 User is offline   HoraceV1000 

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Posted 26 April 2016 - 12:33 PM

Never judge a sausage by its skin
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#890 User is offline   HoraceV1000 

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Posted 09 December 2016 - 11:12 AM

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